Dreamland- feel free to stay

ok so this one has a bit of a story, and i know i told it before, but just to catch you up- if you are interested:


so back in i believe 2013 i dragged 4 of my female friends into a 4h long documentation about the first world war (it was more like a picture show with spoken text overlaid. it was stunning and amazing and absolutely wonderful and interesting for me. sadly my friends had a different opinion... a very different opinion. and you see they dragged me into titanic and - i mean AND - pearl harbor. so they owed me, i'm not into such movies, what i enjoyed most about titanic was seeing the ship sink and what i enjoyed most about pearl harbor was the taken as a one shot attack from the japanese. - that's all i talked about after the movies too!
but my friends ganged up on me, and said i owe them , because that was life wasted for them- never to mention that they learned a lot! - so i had a choice watching hunger games all parts or twilight and reading the books of the series i did not watch. i have mean friends! truly! i agreed somehow- i'm not sure how it went but i somehow agreed... and no alk was not involved i don't drink that much.
however not for all the money in the world would i go and read twilight and i heard that hunger games as a book are a lot more social-political because i'm not into love triangles and not into the actress either - she seems so fake to me i cant help myself.
so yes, in february 2016 i managed to talk another very nice friend to watch all the twilight movies with me on one weekend! (i still cant believe we did that) and the fun fact my awesome pc that does more than is expected of him couldn't handle it either- he simply would freeze the movies after a certain time- never did that before never does that again and apparently to checks and from my friends the files are fine.... so yeah that happened- and i survived it LOL *earns a gold star for that*


so to survive watching all of these movies i made a list as i watched them about all that annoys me!
be aware if you are a fan of those movies- then this is not for you to read. i don't enjoy romance movies at all (star was is something special). from the get go these movies didn't really stand a chance with me.
what i will grant them - fair is fair - the wolves animations are pretty neat and nice to look at!



movie 1 (yes i didn't even bother and try to remember the freaking titles of the movies)

1. why does everybody know her name from the start? that never happens, no matter how small the town, village - believe me i'm a 500ppl-village-person!


2. big, badass 100 year old vampire has trouble with the smell of one girl? are you kidding me?


3. literally faux pas - and yes, it's a faux pas everywhere!


4. teens always believe everything is complicated. at least in these movies


5. big, badass 100 year old vampire has trouble figuring out 17 year old girl!


6. the crushed car door is never getting mentioned again? no one wondered about it?


7. "chief's" daughter is apparently a BIG deal...


8. important conversation in ear shot of everyone take I.


9. recycled tea for the plants!!!


10. adrenalin rush... ok~ay....


11. it's freezing and snowy outside still everyone is dressed in short sleeves or very thin clothes


12. the little girl can SEE all the masks...


13. surfing in winter- or did the seasons change and that was a cut scene... i'm lost


14. "strong, independent women"- quote


15. "The Collins don't come here." - "You caught that, ha?" actual line from the actual movie!


16. "I tell you the truth." - it's just a story'-cliche


17. the popular girls want the new girl's opinion- because that is how high school works, totally and honest to earth


18. mini-town bookshop has the book bella needs- i had trouble finding/getting famous writers in my school's library which was in a bigger town than hers


19. money and sex -thoughts only- of all the guys because that is all guy's think about all the time


20. big, badass 100 year old vampire only now meets the first person he cant read? and he has no more strength to stay away from her?


21. 'she's the ONE' cliché


22. movie doesn't show first kiss - why?


23. the new girl gets the hot guy - life as it happens every day


24. "i can't dance" and she expects that everyone knows that, because when they know her name they know what she does and doesn't do


25. they hadn't kissed before the kissing scene- are you fucking PULLING my LEG?


26. they can only play baseball during thunderstorms because they are too loud....


27. the beginning is part of the story cliché


28. after being gone nearly the whole movie- SUDDEN jacob


29. want's to become a vampire- because it's so amazing, of course - right form part one



movie 2 (you will see i also started to stop paying to much attention and the list gets shorter)



30. movie starts in the middle of the story again. i mean AGAIN!!!


31. drops the name "valturi" and expects her to know- then sudden explanation


32. asks to be changed for the 3th time already


33. throws her against the glass- then wonders why she is bleeding


34. 4th time asking- this is getting hard to count, folks!


35. edward suddenly only wears suits


36. she goes- GOES- after him into the woods


37. she sleeps in the woods, because that is reasonable


38. she screams in her "break-up" dreams- because break up's as a teenager are so seldom, all the young folks are constantly screaming in their sleep


39. it slowly turns into an advertisement for all the brands. yes i noticed that! it was obvious


40. she is INSANE!!!!


41. she uses her friends- not in a good way


42. jacob is freaking 16 years old


43. is over music


44. helmet! HELMET! HELMET! HELMET!!!! PROTECTIVE CLOTHING!!!


45. she is stupid


46. hand-holding conversation


47. "ruin-everything"- line. this is why people are afraid to try these days


48. jacob- and the thing that she knows about vampires but not that he is a wolf?


49. first mails - then phone calls?


50. again with the literally!!!!


51. CPR is just a rumor, no one does that these days, it doesn't help- according to this fucking movie


52. bella is leaning jacob on


53. which fucking promise?


54. TOO much RED!!!


55. kiss in the bed- it's only the 2ed part!


56. everyone tells her: "don't push the button, it fires an atom-bomb" and she goes and pushes the fucking red button


57. LONG-WINDED & BORING


movie 3


58. everyone just gives up after the first try (in the scene where the motor circle is running to the bar)


59. 8th time she asked to be changed- i'm still counting


60. what was a decision in the last movie is suddenly a discussion


61. 2 out of 3 marriages- cliché


62. deals all around!


63. "Wanna know my mother's life is satisfied!" -> said NO teenager EVER


64. victoria is hunted from wolves and vampires alike- and still she is not caught


65. in the cold climate she is in, bella still manages to get a tan


66. creation of NON-problems (lying to protect, not talking, going with jacob)


67. i wonder about the expanses on t-shirts the wolves are having


68. want to be in the cool kids club => yes bella wanted to be a vampire AGAIN!


69. new girl wants the old foes to get along


70. my awesome spaceship (that's the nickname for my laptop) can't HANDLE it!!!


71. vampire and werewolves families are awesome- human families are all dysfunctional


72. "I know what I want" - said over and over and over again


73. "You don't have to change for me" - but he said in the 2ed fucking movie that he is afraid to hurt her


74. bella worries about werewolves who hunt vampires for their lives


75. all the NON-Information


76. sudden bed is sudden


77. new borns walk under water across the sea- because reasons


78. "I'm hotter than you!" - actual quote again *headdesks*


79. bella manipulates both of them and plays with them and their feelings


80. literally faux pas again - who scripted this shit?


movie 4


81. unnecessary high heels


82. 3 movies and edward still doesn't get that she wants to be in the cool kids club


83. they cut the vow scene! in a freaking romance movie!


84. all the guests are gone during the kissing scene! fuck me how long have they been kissing? and then suddenly back + standing ovations for a wedding


85. and because it needs to be said: this is a (i think she had a birthday then right- i'm not going to check) 18 year old girl marrying a 17 year old guy- and everyone is happy with that? you got to be kidding! (never to mention that he is truly fuck old and that makes it even more creepy)


86. awkward toasts all around


87. first new girl is awesome- then (on her wedding day) sudden bashing of the new girl


88. the mother adds absolutely nothing to the whole movies!


89. first time sex and she is THE expert on sex - never to mention that according to him, he is a virgin too- and i still have to believe they had the most fantastic sex ever? guys have you ever had sex with a virgin?


90. because he is this amaze-balls vampire, and he could hurt her, he doesn't do sex anymore with a mere human- someone needs to get her good vibrators, that will be a LONG dry-spell


91. suddenly wolf pack is not a good family anymore


92. so much love to go around!


93. wolf montage running - what's the point?


94. unnecessary fight between wolves and vampires


95. sudden big boss jacob is SUDDEN!


96. finally he says that he never has a choice because she manipulates him A LOT


97. styrofoam cup from... where?


98. it took a young werewolf to show old vampires that a vampire baby wants blood! just let that sink in


99. sudden shirt on werewolves are sudden!


100. the names are horrible


101. CPR is sudden- i thought we crossed that out in movie 1


102. "You deserve to live with this" - cliché


103. i'm just a little bit biting and tasting you!


104. why takes her change for days?


105. flashbacks of the movie we are watching + the ones we have already seen. really this pisses me off so much because i remembered their fucking movies better than they obviously did!


106. movie ends with eye-opening- scene because that has never ever happened before


movie 5


107. 3 min credits at the beginning of this movie - which was never done before - this is already a sign that there will not be much plot in this fucking movie


108. i'm finally a cool kid moment!


109. i mention thirst- so you are thirsty. this is how it works, so now you dear readers have to drink too, go grab your glass, i totally made you thristy


110. jacob is _DATING_ a baby. just to point it out. that is even more creepy than bella wanting to be bitten all the time


111. amazing vampire sex is amaze-balls!!!!


112. showing their girl around!


113. we learn in movie 5 that not all vampires have special talents! would have been nice to know that sooner!


114. new born vampire is a fucking genious!


115. edward suddenly has given up on his suit dress coat and dresses normal


116. sudden "thank you" is sudden


117. in a fucking super power vampire story the walk in HUMAN pace across the plain- thereby taking fucking forever!


118. "the walking" across the plain- it's still going ON!


119. yet another flashback of all the movies!!! there really was not much plot here was there?


120. "Nobody loves anybody as much as I do you." because of course. i think i never heard a more narcissistic statement


121. FOREVER => which means eternity, most ppl have trouble with 40-50 years but they will manage for forever!


with all the 5 movies:


122. the cuts!!!! it's cut in such an annoying way!


123. confusing! so many things are never explained and will never be known to the watcher


124. fight scenes where it doesn't matter what happens because you can't see of follow them anyway - makes all fight scenes unnecessary even the one on one scenes because you won't see shit!


125. there is absolutely no chemistry between the main pairing like even neo and trinity in the matrix (movie one we don't talk about the others) managed to show some sexual tension, not those two though, they are cold as ice in a not good way


126. most of the stories from any other character in the movie are more interesting than bella's and edward's


127. the dialogs are often very stiff and not natural- honestly it looks like they never had a conversation or watched a simply sitcom


128. so much advertisement for a car brand that i cannot identify


129. it takes fucking FOREVER


130. awesome fight doesn't happen for real- makes it look like she couldn't decide which ending to take and so she took both, as an author that is bad work!


131. only ONE "cool" in all the movies!


132. bella has only one expression


133. edward seems to be in pain all the time


134. the height and size of the wolves change all the time


135. this movies are the reason for 50 shades of gray!

and here you can sneak a peek on my original notes - my handwriting is aghast! and mixed some german in it:





that is all i'm ever going to say about those movies ever again!